After spending years living with anxiety and fear almost paralyzing me from truly living and thriving rather than just surviving, I realized that I had to make a change, a desperate change.
I pretty much decided to stop caring for things that didn’t ignite my soul, that didn’t truly matter to me. Basic matters had been stressing me out, wreaking havoc on my mind and spirit for years.
I felt broken, desperate…I wanted to do more than live. I knew that being happy every single moment wasn’t realistic, that wasn’t what I was asking for. I just wanted to wake up without the aching feeling in my heart, without the racing thoughts in my mind.
I wanted to breathe deep, rest easy, and not be in a state of constant fear, struggle, and anxiety. I knew I had to make a change. But change is scary and unpredictable. I didn’t know where to start or how to go about it, but I knew that I had to take a step, no matter how small…it had to be done.
When you stop caring, others may say you’re selfish. Why does selfishness have such a negative connotation? If protecting myself, taking care of myself, loving myself makes me selfish then so be it. Perhaps I am selfish. I have spent my entire life thinking about what others have to say, worrying about what others may think. It’s time for me and me only.
I had to ask myself several questions to fully understand what I was going through and how I was going to fix it. Why was I feeling this way? What can I do to remedy it? Who can I turn to for support? How can I learn to be gentle with myself, love myself, respect myself, no matter how down I feel?
And so, I went on this journey, a journey towards self-discovery, self-love, self-care, all those buzz words we adore were floating around my head and meant a lot to me, resonated with me, made me consider myself more: “I have to fill my cup before I fill yours.” This became my mantra.
I began to take time for myself in the morning to meditate, express gratitude, and sip my coffee quietly in a corner before the day unfolded. I did this religiously for months…I loved myself for months. I had time each day to consider myself before giving to others, whether through my job or my personal life, and this changed everything.
